THE MANY SHADES OF GREY I learned that the only person who can pull you out of a depression hole is yourself. On a sadistically wry note, it is this very same person who determines for how long you will be stuck in there. Dark thoughts are an everyday occurrence for me now. The strength comes in me fighting off the urge to act on these dark thoughts. You know which thoughts I am talking about... "it will be so easy if you just off yourself" "do it and the pain will go away" "this is the only way to end your suffering" However, having lived in the wake of suicide by someone I love, I know that if I took my own life, although it may feel like a swift and seamless way to end my pain, it will leave a lifetime of pain for others. Ever heard of something called "survivors guilt"? That is what they live with after your suicide: your family, friends, loved ones, anyone whose life mattered to you. Yes, I've had that same thought as well... " but
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How do I experience depression?
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Depression presents itself in many ways. There is the obvious one where one feels depressed generally. This could be the result of a mental condition such as chemical imbalance. Then there could life-events that put us in the stat of depression. Look within and see which one you likely represents your state of mind. The depression for me is as a result of several life events: 1. I've experienced failure after failure in all tasks that I pursued including my new busines 2. Failure by my body to have failed to find a solution to my debilitating migraine problem and no specialists can tell me how to fix it. So this is chronic-pain induced depression. 3. Failure by my conduct to be a good partner to the one I love in that my depression often makes it difficult for me to support him when I know he needs it. 4. Failure to by my mind to have passion for the work I do to change or improve people's lives. This means I'm failing in my own career. 5. Numbers 1 and 4 relate to me tryi
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MY STORY... BRIEFLY: Prior to me experiencing it first-hand, I had not fully appreciated the importance of mental health stability. A global movement towards awareness of mental health issues made it easier for me to come to terms with my depression. If you, the reader, have ever experienced depression (no matter the severity), did you ever feel guilty or ashamed that you were depressed? If you said yes, there is nothing to be ashamed about in feeling ashamed of your depression. Get it? For me, major depression hit me twice. During my first experience , I almost succeeded in taking my own life. Ironically, when I failed to succeed, I felt ashamed and disappointed that I did not succeed. I was on the verge of burnout stuck in the middle of a feud between my (now) ex-husband and my father. It was right before Mother's Day. I won't spill the details on how I did it. As for my second experience , I am still living with it. I have not beaten it. It was sneaky; it encroached upon me