MY STORY... BRIEFLY:

Prior to me experiencing it first-hand, I had not fully appreciated the importance of mental health stability. A global movement towards awareness of mental health issues made it easier for me to come to terms with my depression.

If you, the reader, have ever experienced depression (no matter the severity), did you ever feel guilty or ashamed that you were depressed? If you said yes, there is nothing to be ashamed about in feeling ashamed of your depression. Get it?

For me, major depression hit me twice.

During my first experience, I almost succeeded in taking my own life. Ironically, when I failed to succeed, I felt ashamed and disappointed that I did not succeed. I was on the verge of burnout stuck in the middle of a feud between my (now) ex-husband and my father. It was right before Mother's Day. I won't spill the details on how I did it.

As for my second experience, I am still living with it. I have not beaten it. It was sneaky; it encroached upon me with a stealthy hand and somehow managed to burrow itself deep within my life.

I live with daily unending pain and have done so for longer than I haven't lived with it. I have suffered from chronic migraines for 20+ years. I've had all sorts of different treatments, holistic and medical, all of which provided short-term but no long-term relief. I am also a working professional, trying to sail the entrepreneurial voyage and stay afloat through all of this. My life, up to this point, has been about pain management whilst trying to achieve balance.

Of course, I have not succeeded. I've failed at many things but I never thought for one second that I would fail to keep myself motivated to succeed through all of this chaos and mess. Living with depression feels like I am stuck in the centre of a vacuum-sealed room: pressure from all sides of my life that eventually leads to pure procrastination. My mind and body are often out of sync and I feel like crying all the time. Even now, as I write this, the tears are welling up in my eyes, hell-bent on escaping.

I've had this idea to write a journal through my depression in the hopes that, by writing down my story and reading it to myself, I would be able to heal myself. Picking up a pen and writing with my hand has been a massive challenge because I have tremors from time to time. This is why I decided to keep a blog.

Onward with my journey...